Tandaan

This past week has been eventful for me. As a total homebody and happily-unsocial person, I’ve been interacting with way too many people. Let me tell you about it.

It’s funny how external things, like a storm on the horizon, can mirror what’s happening internally. The cyclone became this weird metaphor for the pressure I’d been feeling slowly build-up all week. Making and cancelling plans, client calls, meetings, all swirling around in my busy calendar, threatening to take down powerlines. But as the appointments passed, and the storm clouds, none of it was as bad as I imagined it would be.

At the start of the week, I headed over to my lil bro’s place to play his tabletop role-playing game with a couple of his friends, and it was fun! But also, I could not get my head around the rules; what stat to roll, what perk to add, and all that stuff. I did love the storytelling, and how easily I was able to picture the room we were about to have a shootout in, and the giant grotesque gore-worm we were definitely going to lose to.

This was his own custom game, and we’ve been talking about collaborating on designing the guidebook for it. So throughout the game, I was just daydreaming about the visuals we could create, what the character sheets would look like, even tabletop elements that could be used in future games. I absolutely adore big projects, ones with many outcomes. It just feels so rewarding to finish.

Thinking back, what books have I designed that weren’t written by me? I think of a freelance project where I designed the layout for a marketing guidebook. It was around the time ChatGPT was just starting to become a trustworthy source of words. From what I knew about the project, someone with no experience as a copywriter was really excited to use ChatGPT…

So, I was working with a ginormous document [it would’ve been 120 pages] full of AI-generated copy that was repetitive, didn’t always make sense, and hadn’t been proofread. And since it was for a big corporation, it took forever to get layout or copy adjustments approved. It was such a pain. I’d have to just struggle through the copy I was given and try to make it make sense, look good, and fit into as few pages as possible. And when a page looked too cluttered and bad, it was my fault. They had high expectations for what I’d make, but I had no wiggle room and no freedom for creativity.

What I’m getting at is that this TTRPG project with my brother will be SO much fun! Copy doesn’t flow quite right? He’s happy to have a look and change it. Oh, I think this section would be better with a title? No battles needed, , no waiting for someone in another country to wake up and reply, no tri-weekly hour-long meetings to micro-analyse my in-progress designs [they would seriously point out “mistakes” in my rough layouts as if they were final, like I was stupid, ugh]. Instead, my brother and I get to plan content, art styles, and design together in a relaxed way. It’s a breath of fresh air.

I’ve been a busy designer, juggling three different design jobs this week. It’s crazy how you might just be sitting there wishing for something to happen, and then the universe throws it all at you at once.

So I’m here, discussing things with three graphic design clients. One is my long-term client, another I’m trying to convince of my skills, and the last is a collaborative project where I have to try to hold my own. I’m trying to act like I’m not a fresh graduate as I negotiate my skills and knowledge, the scope of work, and the pay I’m hoping for. But it’s tricky, I’m only just starting to traverse the professional world. I wish people could just immediately see me as the person I’m working hard to be, but it takes time to build up that image.

I hosted my first ever 1:1 with a real client [a full-grown man, like, in his 50s] who has been a professional human for many, many years. I was scared shitless. I had a million notes and what I thought were a million questions. But what’s funny is, after this very scary interview, I didn’t feel relieved it was over, or nervous about what he thought of me. Instead, I was excited. I ran around the house getting my energy out. It felt really good, even though I was afraid.

I thought of it like growing pains, like I just went through something difficult that I’d never done before, and I’m only going to get better after that.