Tandaan

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Recovering a sense of Identity

“This week addresses self-definition as a major component of creative recovery. You may find yourself drawing new boundaries and staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires and interests announce themselves. The essays and tools are aimed at moving you into your personal identity, a self-defined you.”

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Week 2 Tasks

1. Practice affirmative reading by reading the Basic Principles every day.

Honestly her principles didn’t all speak to me! Particularly her wording for the spiritual aspects of the creative beliefs that she wants us to be open to following. She uses the words God, the creator, a creative force, a divine force, Great Creator, etc – sometimes she capitalises the first letters of these titles and other times she doesn’t…

In one she had used the capitalised “God” but was actually using it as an acronym for “good orderly direction“! Why use “God” when it would have been better to say “G.O.D“. Like that principle was just a literal “let me define God for you.” Really all she was saying was to be open to being directed but I hated reading that one the most!! 🙁

I was raised Christian, so the word God means a lot to me, thought I don’t go to church now as an adult but I do pray semi-regularly. But I’m still defining my creative path, and so for the first week and more when I first read the intro to the book, I definetly was allowing myself to be open to what she would say. I was playing with the thoughts in my mind and listening to the feelings in my body when she would use these words, I’d do my best to combine “the creator” with the word “God” as she used it…

But then I realised,

I do not need to let this author (as great as she is) or anyone else redefine my understanding of God and the universe!

To use a quote that she included herself in week two’s section;

“To believe in God as a guiding force just because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity…
each person must puzzle it out for himself or herself.” – Sophy Burnham.

I’m reminded that I get to write my own spiritual path! I already have a version of this creative creator that she speaks of, I call it “the universe“. To me God is a whole different concept, I talk to that God in completely different moments from when I think of the universe and that’s absolutely okay.

Early on, I imagined that she has phrased this very open take to the words she uses I assume for those reading who might be scared by any spiritual connections to their creativity, and its alright. I respect her passions for how she sees the world’s creativity and sharing it with us! It has help me understand my own view as well and I might have never realised it without this rollercoaster that those simple spiritual words had put me through.

I’m tempted to cover all the times she mentions “God” in the book and change it to “Universe” as that’s the relevant title to my creative journey, not sure how to do that though…

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2. List the main activities you focused on most this week. How much time was spent on each?

Each block represents time within each day: morning, afternoon and night. Because I can’t really be precise so it’s just if I did this activity at all during that block of time!

I journal the most, to me its a mix of escapism and self care! I painted the least, funny isn’t it?? The activity I wanted to do most but did the least.

To do in my personal journal: Take a sheet of paper, draw a circle, inside that place topics that you need to protect. place the names of those you find supportive. outside the circle place the names of those who aren’t. reflect on this while you write your morning pages. use it to support your autonomy. feel free to add names as you realise more.

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3. List twenty things you enjoy doing (An excellent resource for artist dates!)

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4. Select two things from above as goals this week

Painting: I will paint with gouache this week. I will keep my paints and tools within reach, I will paint even if I don’t know what to paint. I will paint even if it’s weird! I will do it and it will be here as proof !!

Living in a great space: I will be optimising my home no matter the cost, literally! I will push through the clutter and the hard work and the thinking. I will find homes for the homeless that are cluttered around and send off what doesn’t serve me any more. My space will be tidy not because I’ve hidden who I am, but because it is highly functional and easy to keep up. I will do it and it will be here as proof. To do: take photos of my organisation of my office area! — girl that’s a big task! will update eventually, and mention it in whatever is the current week that I finished it.

5. Revisit the affirmations from week one

Julia asks us to revisit the affirmations from last week. She’s written nice ones but after all that I’ve reflected on and understood of myself so far, they didn’t feel true to me, likely because my mindset is not the same as hers! So, I’ve chosen three affirmations from those that I wrote last week as contradictions to my blurts.

• I’m capable of explaining myself.
• I am worth listening to, my stories deserve more.
• I know my growth and art is worth the effort.

Interestingly, when I was reflecting on these affirmations, task two showed up again, particularly the circle she asks us to draw of those in our lives who support certain topics and others to keep away from it.

I wrote deeply about who I felt like I could speak to at any time about my interests or projects and trusted that they would listen and reply with care. And I wrote who I shouldn’t be telling about those things as I’ll end up throwing myself back into my blurts, feeling like I’m not interesting enough to be listened to 🙁 It’s an important list to keep in mind.

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6. Revisit your imaginary lives and add five more

Last week I was a lounge singer, bag designer, archeologist, therapist/life coach, bouldering gym owner. Knowing that we’re going to come up with more this week, I’m gonna be paying lots of attention to my subconscious “I wish I did that” thoughts!

1. Be a garage DJ: Been figuring out that I love Speed Garage and I’d love to learn to mix music !! I at one point was loving Pop mixes with got girls mixing hot girl music with some club tunes and I’d maybe mix that bit of myself into it too!
2. A nail artist: It’s something I really enjoyed all through my life and at one point thought of it as a job I wanted. I could still do it I suppose! Do gel art on press on nails, I see lots of those stores online! I’m just not very business savvy, I’ll keep enjoying doing just my own nails for now.
3. Dog sanctuary: My partner and I have spoken about this one before! Though you’d need to pick up a lot of poop and clean a lot of crates, we’re quite the animal lovers. My heart breaks thinking of lonely dogs <3
4. Animator: I had first studied animation for university, what if I did better in class? What if I put more dedication to it? Wonder where I’d be now. It plays with my passion for story telling, even though at the time I didn’t believe I was a capable writer.
5. Game developer: Again this plays with my passion for storytelling, and for visual communication! I love watching people play immersive cosy and horror games (odd mix, I know). Maybe one day I’ll have a computer strong enough to try make something (is this an excuse not to try?)!

I guess this week is even more realistic things – just directions in life that I’m yet to venture or have considered in the past! In another life I could be doing any of these things, I’m just sat in my most secure route of art and design for the moment.

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7. My life pie

The task is to draw a circle divided into six, place a dot to the degree that you feel fulfilled in that area; outer rim is great, inner is lacking. Connect the dots, this will show how you are lopsided.

Work is ugh. This to me is a question of “how much do you wish you were doing somethign else” and honestly it’s quite a lot! Though I did give it one extra point because I’m fortunate enough to be working in a role that I studied for! I get to design and build valuable skills, I’ve gained lots of experience from it. But now I’ve been with them something like 5 years and I need to move on, I’ve outgrown my cocoon and its time to break out and evolve as a designer and creative.

Friends, well, this book enourages us to be cautious about fellow artists who have not yet unblocked their creativity. So far I’m gifting every artist I know this book, hoping it will help to unblock their creativity! As right now I’m in waiting for a friend who will truly meet me where I’d like to be as well so we could push each other forward! Julia speaks about it too, how we all love to stay planning and how easy it is to waddle in our excuses about why we haven’t started yet. I’m working to break out of that mindset and need those around me to be doing the same! But that’s a big ask, and people are living their lives with thier own struggles 🙂 so for now, I just create alone but soon will have lots of creatives around me who have also followed the artists way!

Adventure! Time spent doing something you’ve never done before or being in a place you’ve never been before! I do this always with my partner, when errands force us into different neighbourhoods, we sometimes decide to explore a park that we’d never gone to before, or a path we haven’t taken yet! We also take chances on these beautiful new restaurants and cafes that are always popping up, we have our weekends child-free now and finally can spend quality time as a couple again. Trying new foods and judging the decor, it’s very fun. We only do this a couple times a week, I’d love it to be more.

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8. Ten tiny changes

1. I would like to get rid of my open Ikea trolley, it never looks tidy, only messy.
2. I would like to finally buy a new cabinet to pair with my desk.
3. I would like to get rid of my old art boards on the veranda that I’ve been ignoring.
4. I would like to buy a tall lamp for the office.
5. I would like to have an easy access spot for my paint set to be.
6. I would like to stop drinking soda again, go back to fresh juice.
7. I would like to get a parking permit for our car so I can stop thinking about it.
8. I would like to reset the clutter of the home again, it’s been a while since I’d sorted it.
9. I would like to save money each month for our Philippines trip.
10. I would like to get better at sticking to my weekly allowance.

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9. Select one change as a goal this week

I’ve chosen to buy a little cabinet for my office area! It will get rid of my messy trolley and help to keep the clutter off my main work area!! I’m so excited. I’ve been looking at this one for ages, I just need to bite the bullet and spend the $100! 😮‍💨

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10. Do it!

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Week 2 check-in

The Artist’s Way has questions for me to answer specifically in my check ins, let me answer them now!

How many pages did I keep up with in my morning pages?

I did keep up with my whole morning pages! I now know that I need to blabber about anything until a topic clings to the page and just flows out of me! That’s how I have some comfort to do my morning pages, even if I really don’t feel like it that day! Slash it’s extra hard.

Did I do my artist date this week?

Yes… but I was an absolute hermit this week. I just painted while watching a show I liked while home alone for a couple of hours! But it was pleasant to dedicate a window of time to painting and only for myself. Next week I’d like to be braver! Take advantage of some good weather as soon as it arrives or I might miss it again!

Were there any issues significant for my recovery?

My reluctance to dedicate time to myself! My brain always dancing between “I want to play games to chill” “I should be creating so I can improve” “I should be working so that I can survive” and it’s very difficult to know which to prioritise and when!! I love to do both creating and playing when I’m home alone, but then that’s the time that I’m meant to be working!! So I’m not sure what the solution is there.